my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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