somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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