I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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