You just made me feel so damn special
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
