So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
