how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
