i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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