I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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