New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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