HIV tests are more positive than that guy
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
