We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
