I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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