I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
