Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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