Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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