I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
being pregnant is like rehab
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
