i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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