Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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