so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
we're so committed to being not committed
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
