I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
