i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I'm really busy with my period
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