I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
