I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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