Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
