I hate all girls vehemently.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
