i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
