Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
