Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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