my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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