dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
