She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
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Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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