She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
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you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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