remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
