I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
