you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sorry about my life...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
