so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
