I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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