why im i the only drunk person in the library?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just pee around me
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
