Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
as a side note pls kill me
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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