well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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