Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
soo... how was my night?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
