Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
