My balls are so social today.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
