Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
