College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
