Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
