Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
