New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
