My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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