I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I supernannyed him into submission
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
