and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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