we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
