i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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