I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
