dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I would ride that face into the sunset
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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