After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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