I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
