i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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