Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
