Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
