I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
