That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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