Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
