I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
