There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
