this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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