; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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