why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
no. you can't hotbox the world.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Randomize
