sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
