remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If I die, sorry about rent.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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