Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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