she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
