He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
