I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
