Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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