If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
